sweet sleepiness

At long last I feel I have enough blood running to my brain in order to put more than monosyllabic utterings to paper. Nine months of hormone surges, a huge mass of a person attached to my torso, and three weeks and counting of around the clock feedings have provided me with little quality sleep for a grand total of about 10 months! I'm just thankful I know my own name.

We are settling into life as a family of four, trying to figure out what our new normal looks and feels like. We are learning how to care for our newborn while loving our firstborn through this huge, disruptive transition in his little world. Kenny is trying to figure out how to juggle school, work, family and sleep deprivation. I am trying to figure out how to parent well while running on little sleep and juggling two all by myself during the days. I am not complaining - I actually couldn't be happier and I would not trade it for anything else in the whole world.

life

I’m as big as a house. That just came out. That’s not at all what I was going to talk about.

My family is on the dawn of change. Major change. As that time draws near, I am trying to soak in things as they are. I am trying to capture every moment with my son that I can while it is just the two of us. I am trying to sit back and relax with my husband during the evenings while they remain uninterrupted by a baby that needs to eat. I would be sleeping through the night if my hormones would let me - so let’s just say I’m doing that as much as I can. I have scaled back my activities so I can focus on who and what matters most to me. I love our lives as they are. But I know even though I am fearful of change, soon our lives will be more blessed than I can imagine and more full and complete than I can anticipate.

Christmas has come and gone, New Year's hype is over, my son's big birthday party is complete, and now the next big event of the year in our lives is at our doorstep.

winding down

We've had a wonderful holiday. It will culminate in our Romanian family traditional New Year's dinner tomorrow with my extended family. Our holiday began the Monday before Christmas when some special out of town visitors made their way back to the Midwest.

My brother and his wife somehow managed to escape the fierce weather in Seattle on a plane while enumerable others were stranded in the messy Northwest.




Ben loved hanging out with his uncle Michael - but it makes me sad that he can't experience that relationship consistently since miles and miles separate our busy lives. Everyday over the holiday Ben would ask if he was going to get to see his uncle that day. He also asked everyday for about 5 mornings in a row after Christmas if he was going to get to open presents that day.


His question wasn't altogether self-indulgent since we had occasion to open presents on Christmas Eve, Christmas morning and evening, and the day after Christmas. He was used to the surprises but quickly caught on that this was something special for only a few days. And having Uncle Michael and Aunt Susan in town was a quick something special too.

I am so excited for New Year's Eve tonight. We are doing the same thing we've done for the two previous years... STAYING HOME! I didn't know how much I would love doing it until we tried it a couple years ago. We make a special dinner, get a movie or plan something special at home for just us, make some (or buy some) special drinks. Last year I made this really yummy bourbon slush to go with our awesome steak dinner and movie. This year I won't be enjoying the wonderful Pinot Noir with our steak dinner like my husband will. I will instead indulge in Sparkling Blueberry Italian Soda from Trader Joe's. Don't get me wrong - its yummy but its no Pinot. There's always next year. :) I will leave you with a picture that captures the sweet temperament that is my son's.

I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas season and will usher in the New Year tonight with all happiness and joy (and safety)!

nesting

We have had an extremely busy weekend staying at home. That's right. We barely left our doorstep and yet managed to work non-stop and well into the evenings. Why? We have been switching our whole house around; moving the office downstairs, Ben's old room changing over into the baby girl's new room, old office now Ben's room, kitchen cabinets switched around to make room for bottles and other baby stuff, going through old baby clothes and pulling out the gender neutral or girly looking stuff... I have admittedly been a crazy woman who is mirroring mania by DSM-IV standards. I know its my nesting burst of energy before I can't stand for very long, sit for very long, lay in one position very long, and yet take V E R Y L O N G to simply move. I know I'm hitting the nesting period a little early this pregnancy, but I'm at home with my toddler who is excited about all the changes he is getting to experience too, which makes it all the more fun. He is now in his big boy bed! Granted, he falls out of it. But nonetheless, he is "in" the big bed. (note to self: get rails)

My sweet husband has worked so hard these past few days, doing all the manly stuff for me (heavy lifting, moving, etc.). He has been so sweet and supportive of my nesting - and by nesting I mean my crazy mania - even though its happening early and right before a very busy week for us (Christmas week). Well, my baby girl just decided to either or shove an elbow or a foot into my bladder, so its time for me to go... and by go, I mean, you know... go.

makes me smile

It cracks me up that my son's favorite book to read while on the pot dropping a deuce is "My Daddy and Me."

He told me yesterday that I was a "sweet mama."

We were in a public and crowded bathroom Saturday while out shopping (because that's what I do all day now... no, not shop... pee) and I hauled my almost 3-year old, newly potty trained son with me in the stall. At midstream relief he said, "You're doing a great job, mommy!" I tried not to make eye contact with the people who were smiling at us as he confidently led the way out of the stall. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of my great job and all... its just... well, you know.

I love it when I have these mature sounding conversations with my little guy. I ask him about something he's doing and he says, "Well actually, mommy, I'm..." (as he corrects what I've stated).

I love it that he can tell a difference when I'm in my usual comfortable sweats, tennis shoes, no make-up and ponytail to when I get dressed up. "You look beautiful, mommy," he'll say when I'm dressed up with make-up on. If I'm wearing something other than sweats during the week, he usually asks, "Where are we going, mommy?"

I love it that we can be watching cartoons together and he teases me. I was laying down with my head next to his lap and in my not yet fully awake state I realized he was putting Cheerios in my hair.

I love having a little guy - he is so much fun and I just love watching him grow and mature into this precious, silly, clever, fun boy. I am also so ecstatic that I'll get to experience raising a girl too. Yep, we are going to welcome a little girl into the world in the coming months! Ben is also excited, talking about how he is going to play with his baby sister and share his toys (I'll let you know how that turns out!) In the meantime, bring on the pink!

seasons

Its dark and cloudy outside. Rainy and cold. It’s the kind of day that melancholy knocks at the window, begging for attention. As I look outside my window, I find the morning serene and beautiful. The weather today won’t keep me inside, watching from afar the death of the fruits and labor of spring. I’m going to step right in the middle of it and breathe it in deeply.

There is nothing like children to remind you how beautiful every day is, in and of itself. Ben will often ask on days like these, “Mommy, is it beautiful outside?” “Yes,” I’ll say. “It is beautiful today.”

The last few months have been extremely busy for me, giving me little time to reflect and finding only moments to ponder and connect the pieces and events of life together. The things that keep me busy during the fall are winding down for the holiday season and won’t pick back up until after. I hope to take these couple of months to spend more time sharing some of the wonderful and some of the more difficult things the past few months have brought. A season of reflection…

I want to teach my son to appreciate each season and day, finding the beauty and glory in them. Even in the most difficult and ugly of days, there is beauty to be found. There is a reflection of glory to be captured. If I want him to learn how to do this, do I not need to be exercising this myself? There is, indeed, beauty and glory in each day, sometimes you just have to look a little harder to find it.

has it been over a month? geez

Where have I been? No, where have YOU been? Okay, you’re right, where have I been… Well, I’ve spent a lot of this summer laying around on my couch feeling like I wanted to puke all over it. I could hardly eat anything for almost 3 months and had to force food down my throat. Cleaning poopy diapers or removing turds from the potty chair about sent me over the edge into hurlville every. single. day. My poor husband had to hold down the fort and was a total champ the whole time. Why all the drama? Early this summer we found out baby #2 is on the way. We are excessively happy and now that I have energy and no nausea, I’m even happier! I still have somewhat of an odd meat aversion - what's up with that?

This summer, overall, has been a very, very good one (besides the whole constant desire to hurl thing). We were able to keep busy, see lots of friends, and just spend a lot of time together as a family. Now that September has arrived, we are back to our busy fall schedules and I couldn't be happier. Hopefully I will continue to have more energy and will be able to keep up with this blog a little better. (mmmk, dad and Kenny?) :)