Last week Kenny took a few days off work and we spent much of that time doing out-of-the-ordinary, fun, family things. I loved it. We all loved it. One of the things we did was take the two-hour trek back to my college alma mater. Once we arrived, memories and nostalgia immediately flooded my mind. We decided to get out into the hot day and eat at a favorite pizza place not far off campus. After lunch, back in the car we went to do drive bys past all the places I lived and where I frequented during my time there. Its amazing how much things have changed while yet so much is still same. We ventured out a little on campus, but the day was excruciatingly hot, so we didn’t spend a lot of time doing that. But it was fun while it lasted. The whole time we were there, I found myself reflecting on all the fun and all the heartache, all the goofiness and all the seriousness, and all the hotspots and all the boring spots, and all the glory and all the shame. Its funny how one doesn’t really exist much without the other…
It was a lot of fun to go back there, but I realized even though I had mostly amazing memories and fun and funny reflections, I still had an aching emptiness as we passed all the old spots. I concluded that each time I visit there nowadays, there will always be holes and emptiness... right along side the fondness and joy. Funny how one doesn’t really exist much with out the other…
The emptiness is there because that town and every place I stepped and hung out will never be the same to me since missing now are all the people who made it what it was to me during those formative years. So many memories - so many people who played significant and major roles in making me who I am today. I love those people. I miss those people. I miss what that town used to be.
Late that afternoon, we finally headed out. Even though there was that ache of missing dear and wonderful friends who have deep parts of my heart, there was also great joy and peace as I was back in the car with my husband and my son, driving back home. To our home. With the two men whom I love more than I can say. I found that for me it was a healing experience to bring my present into my past a little since I can’t really escape bringing my past with me to my present.
