past and present

Last week Kenny took a few days off work and we spent much of that time doing out-of-the-ordinary, fun, family things. I loved it. We all loved it. One of the things we did was take the two-hour trek back to my college alma mater. Once we arrived, memories and nostalgia immediately flooded my mind. We decided to get out into the hot day and eat at a favorite pizza place not far off campus. After lunch, back in the car we went to do drive bys past all the places I lived and where I frequented during my time there. Its amazing how much things have changed while yet so much is still same. We ventured out a little on campus, but the day was excruciatingly hot, so we didn’t spend a lot of time doing that. But it was fun while it lasted. The whole time we were there, I found myself reflecting on all the fun and all the heartache, all the goofiness and all the seriousness, and all the hotspots and all the boring spots, and all the glory and all the shame. Its funny how one doesn’t really exist much without the other…

It was a lot of fun to go back there, but I realized even though I had mostly amazing memories and fun and funny reflections, I still had an aching emptiness as we passed all the old spots. I concluded that each time I visit there nowadays, there will always be holes and emptiness... right along side the fondness and joy. Funny how one doesn’t really exist much with out the other…

The emptiness is there because that town and every place I stepped and hung out will never be the same to me since missing now are all the people who made it what it was to me during those formative years. So many memories - so many people who played significant and major roles in making me who I am today. I love those people. I miss those people. I miss what that town used to be.

Late that afternoon, we finally headed out. Even though there was that ache of missing dear and wonderful friends who have deep parts of my heart, there was also great joy and peace as I was back in the car with my husband and my son, driving back home. To our home. With the two men whom I love more than I can say. I found that for me it was a healing experience to bring my present into my past a little since I can’t really escape bringing my past with me to my present.

no soup for you!

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve just simply become overly sensitive since I’ve gotten older. Other times I wonder if the world missed their meds that morning. But mainly I wonder what the heck has crawled up society’s collective buttocks over the last 10 years that has made everyone so (bleeping) crabby! On any given day, I could easily give a play by play of the idiocy of the general public – especially those from whom I expect some semblance of customer service.

For example, I was recently at a new doctor’s office so I wasn’t immediately privy to how things went down at that particular office. So I did what anyone would have done - I went to the reception desk. As I moved closer looking directly at the woman behind the desk, while no one else was around but us, the receptionist continued to stare lifelessly at her computer screen. “Um, hello…” I said with a trace of question in my voice, “I have a 10:00 appointment for a-” “Sign in right over there,” she answered gruffly and pointing while barely looking up at me from behind her obviously very interesting computer screen. Afterall, not only do receptions receive patrons, they most importantly stare off purposelessly into computer screens, stacks of paper, and/or desk drawers. RUDE!

I could also tell the story of the crabby middle aged man whom we let go in front of us at the Bread Co. even though he was a complete ignoramus. But I won’t lest this turn utterly counterproductive. My point is, why does it seem that everyone is so mean to each other? It seems like everyone feels so entitled and everyone is so distracted by their own entitlement that no one really stops to care for anyone else anymore. If I wasn’t so crabby, I’d work really hard to do something to change it.

summertime

Where has the time gone? We have been busy...

playing ball






playing trucks


taking naps

I'll have more to say later. Right now I have to go watch crappy summertime shows on TV.

its days like these

Ben and I went with my grandma shopping this morning. It was a beautiful day. The sun was bright between the passing billows of clouds, and the temperature was unseasonably comfortable. As I helped my grandma in and out of the car, it struck me how different these days are than days past. I remember when she used to drive me to the malls and we would go shopping for hours. She would patiently wait for me to pick out whatever I wanted (I was and am still annoyingly indecisive). Today we couldn't walk that far because it hurts her too much. Getting in and out of the car isn't what it used to be. Its uncomfortably strange to experience the contrast of earlier days to now. Makes you think. We had great fun.

After our short trip to the mall we went back to my grandparents' home where my grandpa was merrily waiting and excitedly wobbled over to us for hugs and to wrap Ben up in his arms and play with him. I have the sweetest picture on my cell phone (I don't know how to get it off the phone onto here) of my grandpa reading to Ben who was relaxed as can be sitting on great-grandpa's lap. I knew my grandpa loved it. He ate it up.

Ben and I stuck around for lunch with them and then back home for nap (for Ben and mom). As I was going home I thought of how incredibly thankful I am for days like these where I get to hang with my 80+ something grandparents and my son, let them dote on their great grandson, let him adore them, and I drink in how sweet this time is. I truly cherish this in my heart. Its been a really good day.

checking in

Just wanted to drop in and say hello. We are doing well, I am happy to say. We've had a lot going on and if you read my previous post, you know that is a VERY good thing for me. We had graduation parties, getting together with friends, going to local farms, birthday parties, baby showers, baseball games, Dave Matthews concert (it was wonderful - we are just getting over the depression that its over for us until next year), yard work, parks, etc. etc. I've especially loved anything we've done around the city or outdoors. That is what makes me feel alive and it is also what Ben loves to do - so that makes it easy. Yep, we are very well over here - and I hope you are well over there.

pondering

“Seek happiness and you will never find it. Seek righteousness and you will find you are happy.” - Martin Lloyd-Jones

the blues

There is something I fine utterly strange about myself. It actually sorta drives me a little nuts and doesn't make a lot of sense. So here it is; I find myself having more blah days in the summer than any other time of the year. I don’t fully understand this. I’ve never really been a person prone to blah-ness, but I’ve found it happening the past couple of years – but really only during the summer. When I was working full time, I never experienced the blahs, but since being a stay-at-home mom, I have. But really only during the summer. Strange, right? So I’ve spent time thinking about this, trying to understand. I have a few ideas. For one, things come to a screeching halt in the summer. I’m not someone who likes to halt. I like a lot going on. I thrive when I have a full plate. I don’t have a full plate in the summer. Everything that usually keeps me busy in the regular school year (yes, I still live by semesters) is done for three or so months. Staying busy helps keep me organized and orderly. When I don’t have much going on I find myself wasting more time doing nothing. This past week was one of those weeks. With Monday looming, I fear next week might be more of the same.

Here is some more weirdness - when my husband gets home from work, all is right with the world again and the blah isn't there. Weekends are also typically really wonderful. Not everyday is blah, it just gets blah if I have nothing going on for several days in a row. I find this all very strange. Don't most people like downtime and freedom to do whatever they want with all their time? And having that option in the summer? I guess I need balance - some work, some play, some schedule, some freedom. I'm concluding that too much of any one thing isn't good... even if that one thing is a good thing.