reinvention

I am who I am, who I am
Well, who am I?
Requesting some enlightenment...
Could I have been anyone other than me?
-song "Dancing Nancies" Dave Matthews Band

Moving to a city far away, where you know no one, and more importantly, where no one knows you, provokes the fantasy that you have a chance to start over. You can be whoever you want. Someone totally different, if that strikes your fancy... the person that after years of some reflection, some regrets, and a whole lotta "I wish I would have done this differently" now has a chance to reinvent oneself and right the wrongs.

Don't get me wrong, I like me. I liked me before too. But it was kind of exciting a few months back when we first moved away from years of rootedness, to think that I don't really know anyone here, and they certainly don't know me, so I can be a little more extroverted this time around. And, I can be sweeter, less rough around the edges. I can come across more upbeat and syrupy... less sarcastic and cynical. I will, however, keep my sense of humor and my passion and love for... well the things I'm passion about and love.

New people, new culture, new climate, new everything. I was wide-eyed and thrilled to enter the next chapter for our family. I think I ran on adrenalin for several weeks. It was happy adrenalin as I, we, vigorously pursued the beautiful place where God brought us, the excessively friendly culture of this city, the new things to do, and the new home to build. It was easy to be upbeat, positive, extroverted, engaging.

Then after a handful of months, it started to drive me crazy that the people drove 5-10 miles under the speed limit as a general rule. The independent spirit here and strong ideas on what is right and wrong imposed on others... nevermind that sometimes its not black and white, people! Well, you see where I'm going here... the honeymoon wore off and my real self came bubbling to the surface. You see, there was the first time here that, just to prove a point, I wanted to rear end the person who pulled out in front of me as they continued going 20-miles per hour though I was going 40. I mean, that would be the natural consequence, right? And then there was the time when someone responded full of judgment, "Oh really? That place has ridiculously high prices..." when I told them where I grocery shopped. I wanted to say, "I shop at XYZ because I prefer my produce un-rotted."

I'm all for reinventing and bettering oneself. Throughout our lives, I believe that God shapes and molds our hearts, making them more righteous and holy. I really believe that. But it is also true that it really didn't take all that long for me to realize that I am who I am and moving to a new city didn't change anything except my longitude.