hang with me!

I'm sorry its been so long since I've written. But let me show you why. Its because of this---------->







<----------AND, because if this.









We're heading WEST! More to come, I promise!

a street called memory lane

There's this street I drive on sometimes. I started frequenting this route when I moved back home from college - a lost, jobless soul, trying to figure out what to do with my life. Driving through its loveliness was a distraction from the questions I had about life swirling in my head at the time. Still today I drive it because even though it's sometimes out of my way, it's full of pretty scenery and I associate a lot of good memories with it. When I'm heading north on this street, there is a cemetery to my right with lush, green grass, flowers and beautiful mature trees as far as you can see. To my left are nice homes with landscaped lawns. My grandpa and grandma have burial plots at that particular cemetery and they like to tell us that when they die their ghosts will be sitting on the tombstone waving at us as we drive by. Even though, thankfully, they are still alive and kicking, I always smile to myself, thinking about them when I drive by... and I always will.

A few years ago I was on this road and noticed an older man, feeble, thin and lanky, with white hair and a white car, sitting on a lawn chair near the road next to one of the mature trees. At his feet was a fresh and full arrangement of flowers. Ever day after that when I drove past this cemetery I would see this man. Rain or shine. Hot or cold. He was always appropriately prepared. Eventually through the years there would be times I'd drive by and wouldn't see him. But it wasn't very long and I'd see that white car backed up to a spot near the road, the man on the lawn chair with fresh flowers at his feet. I have often thought about how cool it would be to stop my car, park near his, get out and ask him about her. A couple of weeks ago I noticed that I hadn't seen the man in a very long time. I had this sinking feeling because seeing him always brought me a certain peace and joy imagining the life story and love that sat and looked on at the spot of his deceased. Somehow seeing him made me reflect on my own life, thinking about getting old, wanting to enter my twilight years with a good life story where I made a difference in this world, impacting the next. I wondered what it would have been like to talk to this man and tell him how seeing him sit at the grave site impacted me over the years.

On today, this 80 degree, cloudless, beautiful spring day, with trees blooming in abundance all around, I was driving down this same road... now with my two children in the backseat chattering and laughing. There he sat. His car was backed up in the usual spot, flowers at his feet, looking onto his beloved. I was surprised at my own excitement in seeing him. But there he sat. My son startled me out of my thoughts. "Mommy, why are you smiling?" I paused while trying to come up with the words to answer him. "Oh... I just saw an old friend that I haven't seen in awhile, honey."

Oh how that road has been a comfort to me many times in my life. How that road has seen me through huge life changes, observing tears and laughter as I followed its twists and turns. And how finding that man alongside that road has inspired me to live a better life... maybe someday I'll be brave enough to let him know.

I'm so glad this isn't the weekend

I had been looking forward to this past long holiday weekend for a few weeks. Kenny was going to take Thursday and Friday off and then, of course, the Easter weekend. We had all kinds of really fun things planned. Well.......

What this past long weekend was supposed to look like:

Thursday:

• go to husband's hometown and get my hair cut at a place my sister-in-laws and nieces go to (all their haircuts are always so cute and no one ever cuts my hair the way I like it here so I thought I'd try)
• Kenny gets his annual eye exam from the doctor in his hometown and he was to go to the annual appointment
  
• spend the day in the country at husband's hometown, spend time with family, enjoy, come home

Friday:

• go to mall for fun spring shopping for kids' clothes and us
• have nice, easy dinner out with the kids
• finish Easter shopping
• enjoy a quite evening with husband relaxing either watching a movie or catching up on DVR shows
  

Saturday:

• hang out with the kids and husband
• maybe go to a park, fly a kite with Ben
• have lovely friends over in the evening and enjoy a meal together and hang out
  

Sunday:

• go to church
• have Easter egg hunt for the kids
• go to my parents' for family (extended included) Easter dinner

Monday - life back to normal after a wonderful, long, relaxing holiday weekend with the family.

What this past long weekend actually looked like:

Thursday:

• getting ready to leave the house for the 1 hour drive to husband's hometown and Ben pukes all over the living room floor
• Kenny and I debate whether or not this is a quick one-time puke or if he's sick
• Oh yeah, he's sick (after the 4th puke we call Kenny's mom to cancel our visit)
• I cancel my hair appointment, Kenny cancels his eye doctor appointment
  
• we scramble to reschedule our appointments - get something down for the following Tuesday
• I have to make an unplanned trip to the store for diapers and almost got into a car accident, as someone ran a light and almost nailed me from the side. I don't know how they missed me - close call, had to be angels covering me on that one
• Jenna is starting to get fussy, Ben's feeling a little better
  

Friday:

• Ben is better - no puking
• Jenna has a faucet for a nose and is fussy
• Ben's nose starts to run like crazy later in the day
  
• Kenny says, "I think I'm starting not to feel good"
• We're outside for a little while with the wind blowing and allergens swirling, my eyes start to itch
• I decide to go to the store to get stuff for our dinner guests so I don't have to worry about it tomorrow but on the way to the store my eye feels weird. I look at it in the mirror in the car and see my sclera is swelling so I freak out and think about going to urgent care
• I go back home and conduct a frantic search on the internet for what the heck is going on with my eye and how to I fix it
• We get the swelling to go down and I calm
• the kids are fussing at the same time and constantly. Kenny and I are wiping noses and trying to stand up under the insanity
• we don't leave the house - too much snot
  
• At night Ben has major difficulty sleeping (he's up late) and Jenna is crying every so often
• Kenny has to spend part of the night in Ben's room and we all get a terrible night's sleep

Saturday

• Ben's cranky, Jenna's cranky and Kenny is starting to feel absolutely terrible
• Kenny and I discuss whether or not we should change our dinner plans - would we make them sick or wouldn't we is the question... heck yeah they'd get sick, we regrettably have to cancel
• I call my parents begging to come over to escape the sick house madness
• I go to my parents for awhile and then finish Easter shopping all by myself
• I get back home into utter sickness and fussiness, we eat, everyone gets ready for bed and turns in early except for me
• I sit on the couch and think how bad this long weekend has sucked, especially given all the fun things we were supposed to have going on
  

Sunday

• despite sickness we get up and go to church with my grandparents (beautiful service)
• we put Jenna (who is still fussy and feeling terrible) to bed right away after the service
• Ben goes on a mini Easter egg hunt
  
• we go to my parents' for family Easter dinner and we pray we don't infect everyone there
• after a lovely day we get back home and eventually get the kids in bed
• Jenna is up off and on fussing again through the night
• Ben is up constantly complaining about his ear - in the wee hours of the morning Kenny drives to an urgent care with Ben because he is crying inconsolably throughout the night. Urgent care is closed, we debate about an emergency room visit and decide to give Ben Tylenol, try to put him to bed, and pray. He eventually falls asleep and we all get a few hours of sleep
• Kenny is feeling very sick and awful
  

Monday

• Kenny wakes up feeling and looking absolutely terrible and calls in sick to work
• I call the pediatrician and take Ben in - he has a "big, bad ear infection," as the doctor put it
• Jenna's nose is still runny but she's not as fussy
• we endure the day - though as the day goes on everyone is getting a little better - we get everyone in bed early, everyone sleeps through the night except Kenny who is hacking away and goes in to sleep on the couch so I can get sleep
  

Tuesday everyone is feeling better but not perfect. We finally got to go to my husband's hometown and had a nice day. Now its Wednesday and this is the first time I've had any sense of normalcy in 6 1/2 days. I never thought I'd be so excited for a long holiday weekend to end. I lived to tell that we all survived okay and I am so glad its not the weekend!

making mundane beautiful

Recently I was doing the things I normally do on any given weekday morning. Suddenly joy overwhelmed me and stopped me in my tracks. I was having a "moment." I was in the midst of a daily occurrence, experiencing a fulfilling joy at that very snapshot. I realized that though the days can be long, there are things that happen on a consistent basis and when I finally stopped to pay attention, I saw they were moments I treasured. Here are a few of them:

We don't need an alarm clock. The kids wake us up and my little morning glory is usually the one to do it. I love when I am groggy, get out of bed and the first thing I see is my daughter standing up in her bed waving at me with a beautiful, bright smile.

I love the way the light hits our bedroom in the morning when I open the curtains for the day. I consequently love walking by the room all day long.

I love that first cup of coffee in the morning.

I love when we are done with breakfast and I get on the floor with my kids and we all play together. I love how they always manage to make me and each other laugh.

I love the conversations I have with my son when its just the two of us, one-on-one.

I love the time of day when Jenna is down for her afternoon nap and Ben is in his room for "downtime" and I get to sit down, (many times for the first time all day) pick up a book, get caught up on email, or just stare out the window and daydream.

I love the anticipation of daddy coming home from work and how excited both kids (and I) are when he walks through the door.

I love when I am in the kitchen cooking dinner and can hear the kids laughing and playing with their daddy.

I love when after dinner I get to join them.

I love when we put the kiddos down for bed and my husband and I get to sit down and connect, talking about our days and anything else that strikes our fancy. Just the two of us.

Somehow my head gets all screwed up thinking certain things are going to make me happy that never do. I get so tired of the influx of bigger, better, more messages. I'm just thankful for that "moment." Otherwise I might not have stopped, looked around, and savored the beauty that is right before me every single day.

pensive

I will probably refer to this post a lot in the future because of God's continued work in the hearts of my husband and I and beyond. Our hearts feel things but our eyes are still veiled. I routinely try to wrap my mind around what exactly is going on but I cannot do so with the entirety that I desire. What I can say is this, I've found myself deep in thought a lot lately over what life would look like if everything as we now know it were different. What if, for the cause of Christ and living out the Gospel, we have to give up the daily comforts of our current lives? What about our community? What about our families? Our home?

Today I was reading to my son out of his children's Bible. I read the stories in order so I never know from day to day what story will be next. The reading for today had this to say:

"Jesus said, 'Coming home to God is as wonderful as finding a treasure! You might have to dig before you find it. You might have to look before you see it. You might even have to give up everything you have to get it. But being where God is - being in his kingdom - that's more important than anything else in all the world. It's worth anything you have to give up!'"

50 is the new 75

This weekend was wonderful. I know I seem obsessed with weather, but everyone around these parts would agree its been a very long, cold, dark winter. Sunday afternoon we packed up the family, went out to lunch and then for a long drive through some Ozark foothills. Even though everything was still pretty brown and... well... dead, the sky was a rich baby blue with cottony clouds enveloping the sun from time to time. It was great. It was still kinda cold - but lest you think it kept people inside, the walking/riding trails were packed full. Our neighbors were outside talking and laughing with each other, and I saw a couple kite fliers and ball players. However, it has always struck me as funny, and Sunday was no different, that in the spring when it hits about 50ish outside as Sunday was, people break out the bikes, baseballs and gloves, shorts, and walk, run, or ride outside like its 75 degrees. But when its about 50ish in the fall, people are breaking out their sweaters and jackets or just stay inside while the friendly neighborhood chatter dulls to a murmur.

But here we are, in the 50-somethings pretty consistently now and I can turn down the heater, open the front door, inhale the fresh air without forming ice crystals in my nostrils, and enjoy longer hours of daylight. I think we can safely say we made it over the hurdle of winter. YAY!

ch ch ch ch changes

There is something around the corner, I can just feel it. I have butterflies in my stomach when I think about it. The page is getting ready to turn and I have no idea what new plot line will emerge in the next chapter. And so I sit. And watch. And wait.

It feels like God is fixing our footsteps in a direction but everything is so cloudy still that I can't really see what is going on. It feels like the spiritual realm is hard at work around us and our hearts are stirring within us. It feels like God is going to make a move in our lives, I just don't know where, how, what or when. I want it to happen quickly, but these things take time.

"The steps of a man are established by the Lord when he delights in his way."
Psalm 37:23

Lord, help this family to delight in your way and give us ears to hear.

more to come...