roles

In anticipation of having more than one child I closely listened to other mothers who spoke of their different, but similar, transitions going from one to two. As a result I was bracing for total and utter chaos, temper tantrums, arguments, and attitude. But what I found was I had a newborn who slept most of the time and a 3-year old who processes a lot internally, and together they let mommy catch her breath and ease into the role of mother of two. Don't get me wrong. We've had moments. Sometimes long, brain-rattling moments. But for the most part I could not have asked for a better transition and for this I am extremely grateful.

As we've become a family of four, I see how my role has been solidified as the mothering caretaker who is there to pass out hugs, love, take care of the little lives and hold the family together (and also who is the eternal flow of food for the newborn). I love this, but somehow this has squeezed me into the you-are-not-the-fun-provider-but-rather-daddy-is role. This was painfully obvious two days ago when I sat to play trains with my son and he kept saying, "No, mommy, don't chug that train. You go pway trucks."
"What?! I want to play trains with YOU!"
"No, you can pway trucks - I pway with daddy when he gets home."
Bummer.
But later he got excited about something and ran in to tell me so I could be excited with him and give him a big hug and a kiss. And after that he bumped his hand on a toy and needed a kiss on the owie. And then he needed that cuddle time with mommy before bed as he quieted down from the day. And then there was that last pat, hug and kiss as he was tucked in for the night.

And then mommy stopped pouting and didn't mind not being the fun one.

sweet sleepiness

At long last I feel I have enough blood running to my brain in order to put more than monosyllabic utterings to paper. Nine months of hormone surges, a huge mass of a person attached to my torso, and three weeks and counting of around the clock feedings have provided me with little quality sleep for a grand total of about 10 months! I'm just thankful I know my own name.

We are settling into life as a family of four, trying to figure out what our new normal looks and feels like. We are learning how to care for our newborn while loving our firstborn through this huge, disruptive transition in his little world. Kenny is trying to figure out how to juggle school, work, family and sleep deprivation. I am trying to figure out how to parent well while running on little sleep and juggling two all by myself during the days. I am not complaining - I actually couldn't be happier and I would not trade it for anything else in the whole world.